Written by: Jenine Silos
Exodus 4: 10 But Moses said to the LORD, “Oh, my LORD, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.”
In Exodus, when God appointed Moses to lead the numerous Israelite out of Egypt, Moses initially doubted his ability to God and complained to Him about his slow of speech, and I was like “This is it,” as I have read the passage. Immediately, the Holy Spirit convicted me of the verse and I knew then that God wants to use my passion to glorify Him. And that passion is to write.
Well, I started writing way back in high school. However, what I liked to write were sad notes, funny articles, stupid stuffs, plus a nonsense compilation of stupid diaries. I loved to write so much before because I could not express what I feel inward, so I just put everything into words. When I entered college, my writing has been upgraded. Then I started to write fictions, short stories, and even sci-fie fantasies. Until I made my own comic book, but it was an amateur sketching, of course. That’s how desperate I was in writing and in story-making.
HOWEVER, my English skills are just average. My grammar is something I could not improve. That is why, no matter how I love to write, I only write for myself–and for myself alone–because I have no confidence to even share it.
Until such time that God made His way, and He impressed it to me that I could use my passion to honor His name. When I read about Moses, I was stirred up by his life. The Holy Spirit then convicted me: stop writing for yourself, go and write what is pleasing to the eyes of God.
And I was like, WHAT?
I could not do that! I’m just a university student. I don’t have the skills and talent! I…I only write for leisure, a passion-that-is-good-for-nothing! People who will read my writings may not even believe me, and that is the worst! I thought within. And just like what Moses said: I AM ELOQUENT, LORD. I AM SLOW OF SPEECH AND OF TONGUE.
I was doubting my ability–I complained to the LORD just like what Moses did!
Exodus 4:11 Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? 12 Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”
But I still said to God, “Lord, are you sure about that? People will find it hard to believe in me, I’m not even sure about it myself. I wasted my years before, and no one would believe me.”
Exodus 4:13 But he (Moses) said, “Oh, my LORD, please send someone else.”
I did nearly the same. But in a rather different case. It took me many days of questioning God about this matter, until I realized that I have no right to question Him. I indulged myself in devotionals and reading the word of God (I was not reading from cover to cover that time), hoping that God will make another impression to me aside from the previous conviction. But God did not answer me. Even when I tried hard to seek Him through His word. Then I realized, that God was silent to me because He wants me to understand something, something even deeper.
Yet I still said, “But LORD, I am not fit to do what You want. I lack words and wisdom. If You want me bring it on, please give me the wisdom to enable myself to do what You want.”
And I prayed…and prayed to God: “Lord…if you really want me to do this then please give me wisdom to understand everything. Because I cannot do it alone. To write the testimonials of my life are too much for me to do, because they’re not good memories for me, they’re not good. But You have saved me by Your grace. And I have seen your miracles and doings in my life, You appeared before me, and called me. And now I know you have been with me all through those years, yet it took me many years to understand Your plan. Please let me serve You by using me so that Your Name will be glorified.”
And God answered me through the conviction of the Holy Spirit, just like what He had replied to Moses:
Exodus 4:14 ….Is there not Aaron, your brother, the Levite? I know that he can speak well. Behold, he is coming out to meet you, and when he sees you, he will be glad in his heart. 15 You shall speak to him and put the words in his mouth, and I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and will teach you both what to do.”
I was then speechless. Ashamed to myself. Because God has planned it very well, He has planned it from the start! And I was late to understand everything!
I have my older sister!
A sister who is literate in English, she can PROOFREAD what God wants me TO WRITE! At no cost in my part!
And so…immediately after that conviction, I told my sister (and my leaders in church) about it –that God wants me to write the testimonials and turn them into A NOVEL–A NOVEL that will glorify the Father who is in heaven!
I believe God is with me while I am writing this article. I believe that it is God’s words and wisdom that has inspired me to continue writing THE NOVEL—and right now, because of God’s grace and unique plans, I am almost done with the novel that He wants me to write. A novel that will inspire my brethren, so that they will know that God makes miracles–that God is LIFE.
My sister is proofreading the chapters now, while I continue to write the novel into its completion. And I pray to the LORD our God, that the THE COVENANT novel, will inspire more people despite of sufferings, pain, and temptations of this world.
I always keep this in mind now, that in order to understand GOD’s PLAN in our lives, we need to pray in sincerity and seek Him, seek more of His will, that by reading the word of God the Holy Spirit will convict it to us! Along the way, we may feel disappointed and discouraged, but we NEED TO PRESS ON, and FINISH THE RACE.
I’m not perfect, and you’re not either, but then, we have a PERFECT GOD. We may have the attitude, but God will always use someone else to correct us. When you feel like you’re not in the right plan that God has intended for you, RE-THINK what you did. And God will convict you through the Holy Spirit and through His word.
And whenever there is conviction, do not be condemned!
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
AND GOD has inspired me to write this, too…..THAT:
In every correction there is gain.
A gain of understanding more of God’s plan.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
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